I saw a shadow at the bottom of the stairs, rotund and lumpy in places, and immediately began to steel my resolve for a confrontation with Mr. Hurchur. Had it been any other day, I might have turned back around and retreated to my rooms, but the thought of the out doors providing even a slight relief from the unbearable heat compelled me to press forward. I thought that perhaps if I just kept my head down and my pace steady…

He ham-handedly took hold of my wrist, his reflexes still sharp in spite of his memory being so soft and feathered about the edges. His pork chop shaped side burns, stark white, bristled like porcupine quills, and his eyebrows rippled and furrowed. If only I could have rewound time! Perhaps I would have been better off tying my bedsheets together and attempting to repel down from my window.

“That girl!” he declared, “Darnby, did you see her eyes? She’s a stomper, she is! Not to be trusted, not at all!”

One did not need to look at Mr. Hurchur when he spoke in order to visualize the underlying structure of his face. The manner in which his words echoed about before spilling forth from his mouth was enough to know without doubt that he was a man with impressive jowels. I still do not know who Darnby was or what aspects of my personage caused him to confuse me for the man.

He pressed his lips together firmly, causing them to look like strips of uncooked bacon. It took me a moment to realize that he was waiting for me to respond to his proclamation. “I noticed that she had hair,” I stammered, hoping that the comment would be neutral enough to allow him to release me from his sweaty grip, but he did not pause before snapping back with “Damnit, but don’t they all! Foul things!”

“I shall report this to the captain,” I said, “He would not want to be unaware.” Mr Hurchur had been a seaman in his younger years; sometimes pretending to be one as well would open up a route of escape – and on that unpleasantly warm October day, luck appeared to have been in my favor. His grip loosened from my wrist and he gave me a beefy salute as I continued on my way.